You should talk.

Are you an introvert or an extrovert? Maybe you’re both (an ambivert), or you’re more of an omnivert, centrovert, or otrovert.

​Whatever label is affixed to your psyche, here’s what I’ve noticed: Many people feel ill at ease (or worse) when they have to talk to strangers, particularly if they’re at some sort of business event. If you google the phrase “hate networking,” you’ll find countless Reddit threads filled with lamentations about having to attend events where hobnobbing is required.

I go to a *lot* of professional events—usually one or two per week. Please believe me when I tell you that these affairs don’t have to be loathsome obligations. They can be (and really, should be) fun. 

Here are some tips:
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• You don’t have to be a debonair sophisticate who always knows what to say. You can just walk straight up to anybody in the room and announce, “Hi! I don’t know a single soul here. How about you?” You can confess, “I will probably forget your name, but it’s nothing personal.” You can admit, “I find these things fairly terrifying.” The person you’re speaking to (aka your interlocutor) will absolutely understand, will appreciate your honesty, and will probably feel an instant sense of kinship with you.

 

• Anyone standing alone would *love* you to walk up to them. Chances are excellent that the solo-stander feels awkward because they’re alone—nervous, insecure, undeserving, scared ... thank heavens you’re there! Be the friendly face who provides welcome relief. Similarly, if you’re chatting with a group and you notice someone standing alone nearby, insist that they come over and join you.

 

• Make it your goal to enjoy yourself. You don’t have to procure hot sales leads or hit a business card collection quota. Just jump into some friendly conversations with people. You’ll discover that you share things in common—or that you lead very different lives. (A few weeks ago at an Ad Club event, I got to speak with a woman who plays rugby—a sport that I, with my strong aversion to physical danger, would never attempt. I had lots of questions.)

   

• Think of the event as story time. Remember how when you were a kid, you’d beg adults to tell you stories? Stories are delightful to hear and fun to retell. You probably enjoy listening to podcasts centered on stories. Well, every human being at every networking event is chock-full of stories. You just need to ask a few questions, and before you know it, you’ll be hearing tales of a squirrel scurrying down the chimney, an FBI raid at the office, a family recipe featuring lime Jell-O and tuna, and a hilariously regrettable tattoo.

 

• Curiosity is the fuel of good conversations. No one is boring once you get them to talk. If you’d feel more secure, you can arm yourself with icebreakers you’ve jotted down. Or you can memorize them. You can opt for the basic, “Do you have any hobbies?” or “Have you traveled anywhere interesting in the past year?” Or you can get quirky: “What’s the most dangerous thing you did as a kid?” or, “Which celebrity do you find the most annoying?” Listen closely to the answers, and follow-up questions are sure to pop into your head.

 

• If you hit it off with someone, try to connect with them on social media. Here’s what social media does well: It gives you an ongoing view into people’s personalities and lives. Over time, you can sort of get to “know” them, and vice versa. That can be interesting, informative, and amusing; it can also be helpful when you need one another’s advice or assistance. I have run into people on the other side of the country who I know from social media. I’ve also gotten work from them.

At the time I’m writing this, I publish a monthly events compilation (with Colorado and online happenings). You can sign up for it here, and who knows? Maybe I’ll see you at something. Be sure to come over and say hi!​