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  Sara Rosinsky • Shiny Red Copy

sara's Shiny red blog

When life gives you a hideous rash, make a writing lesson.

5/20/2022

2 Comments

 
Picture
Nearly two weeks ago, I treated myself to some new lavender-scented body lotion. It was rich and creamy, made by “artisans” using “pure goat milk.”

It gave me the worst rash I’ve ever had in my life, with the possible exception of that time when I was a kid, and my friend Amy Wyant and I took a bubble bath using dish soap. (Terrific bubbles; definitely not worth it.)

So today, I visited a new dermatologist in my new town. And afterward, I was asked to leave a review of my experience.

When I did so, I caught myself making an error that’s easy to make, so I thought I’d turn this whole itchy fiasco into something educational. Take a look:
Picture
FIG. 1: ❌ The first sentence has a series that doesn’t really work.
When you read that first sentence above, you can understand it, but it’s not quite right. Take a closer look, and you see why. Here’s what it actually means:

Dr. Caufield was attentive, Dr. Caufield was kind, and Dr. Caufield was answered all my questions.

Whoopsie. So I rewrote it:
Picture
FIG. 2: ✅ All better now.
I’m only using two adjectives to describe Dr. Caufield: attentive and kind. So I don’t have enough for a series. 

I turned the sentence into two independent clauses joined by the coordinating conjunction and. Now everything is clear.

Except … one thing is not yet clear, alas. So if you’ll excuse me, I need to go pick up a prescription.

2 Comments
Andrew Duvall link
12/14/2022 12:24:19 pm

When one can see an error and correct the mistake, that person has stepped into the next level of awareness. Well done!

Reply
Sara Rosinsky link
12/14/2022 01:23:10 pm

I was 100% waiting for a rash pun from you. But no—a kind compliment. Thank you! :)

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